Posts filed under ‘Uncategorized’

Lindsay Lohan plays Liz in new movie. That gives us another chance to show you our favorite photograph of all time that we call, “The Mount Rushmore of Crazy.”

That’s David Guess (Liza Minelli’s then husband), Minelli, Michael Jackson and Liz Taylor. Crazy? Let’s just say they were the four biggest shareholders in Pfizer at the time.

September 28, 2012 at 10:43 pm Leave a comment

Owner of foul-mouthed cockatoo fined for mouthy bird; Owner has no comment, bird says, “This is complete bullshit!”

WARWICK, R.I. (AP) — The owner of a foul-mouthed cockatoo in Rhode Island who was slapped with a $15 fine for violating a noise ordinance is appealing.

The Providence Journal reports (bit.ly/RUIVG4) that Warwick resident Lynne Taylor is appealing to a state court a fine imposed by a municipal judge. The judge said Taylor had broken a local law that prohibits residents from letting their pets habitually howl, bark or make other noise.

Taylor’s lawyer says the ordinance is unconstitutional because it gives no parameters for what noise constitutes a violation. He notes the statute says that if someone is annoyed, it’s a public nuisance.

A neighbor accused Taylor’s bird of parroting vulgar phrases, cursing and loudly speaking expletives. The neighbor lives with Taylor’s ex-husband.

Information from: The Providence Journal,HTTP://WWW.PROVIDENCEJOURNAL.COM

September 28, 2012 at 10:04 pm Leave a comment

OMG!!! Stop the presses. Twenty plus years later, Mrs. Bundy is hotter than Kelly!!!

Here's the cast from Married With Children, circa 2009.

Here's the cast from Married With Children, circa 2009.

April 27, 2009 at 2:51 am Leave a comment

Baby Shaker? Somebody had to sign off on this. In fact, a whole marketing division had to. WTF?

IN THE NEWS – Apple Inc. apologized April 23 for selling Baby Shaker, an iPhone application that let users silence an imaginary crying infant by shaking the multimedia device. The 99-cent “app” was removed from Apple’s online store April 22, two days after it debuted (although it endures on YouTube). Outraged child-welfare groups that decried it as “horrifying” and “reckless” demanded an apology – which they finally got.

COMMENTARY – Can Steve Jobs die so he can roll over in his grave? Apology accepted, Apple. In other news, Apple released it’s next line of iPhone apps: Euthanize Nana – where users can “pull the plug” on a senile granny by hitting the ‘end call’ button.

April 25, 2009 at 2:15 am Leave a comment

Love stinks, but “luv” is even worse

We’ve all gotten the email, text mail or even the old fashioned scribbled note that says, “i luv u”

Men. When you see that, run for your life.

It’s from the “Hot Chick” and she’s out to use you like a tampon. You’re there to stop the bleeding then quickly discarded.

There are differing variations of how Hot Chick bastardizes the phrase “I love you” to strip it of any meaning.

There’s “luv,” signed Hot Chick (translation: thanks for the $20)

There’s “luv u,” signed Hot Chick (translation: thanks for the $200)

And there’s “i luv you,” signed Hot Chick (translation: thanks for helping me move my large u-Haul worth of crap 120 miles to my new town, I owe you a beer we both know I’ll never come close to buying you.)

Notice how in the last version, not one of those words is properly punctuated or spelled correctly.

That’s not by mistake.

Women know the power of the word “love.” It means everything to them. And they don’t throw it around lightly.

The “I Love You” guy gets blow jobs.

The ‘i luv u” guy gets 2 a.m. sobbing phone calls from Hot Chick detailing the latest argument with I Love You Guy.

The “I Love You” guy gets to go out to the bars with Hot Chick who is all over him.

The “i luv u” guy gets set up with Hot Chicks 280-pound Girlfriend.

In the end, “luv” means you get all the headaches, whining and expenses – just without the sex.

So what’s the point?

April 18, 2009 at 1:00 am Leave a comment

God bless you, Mark Fidrych. The Bird will always be alive in me.

Mark Fidrych died while working on his truck.

That’s what authorities believed happened on Monday when the 54-year-old Massachusetts legend died.
If the name means nothing to you, then go find another blog.
In 1976, there was a phenomena that swept this country called “The Bird.”
I’m 44 and was born and raised in Michigan. It’s hard for me to describe just what Mark Fidrych meant to Michigan. 
He was part Michael Phelps, part Elvis, part Britney Spears (that would be the crazy.)
I do recall this. As I got older, people in their 20s would make fun of me as I got into middle age. And one of my defense mechanisms was simple: “Yeah. I’m in my 40s. You are in your 20s. But you know what? You never know what it was to experience Mark Fidrych.”
To those under the age of 30, Mark Fidrych was a Detroit Tiger pitcher who debuted as a rookie and made the All-Star game.
He talked to the ball. Yes. He was that fucking crazy. You know what’s crazier? It listened. Fidrych was nuts. He got down on his hands and knees and groomed the pitching mound to his specifications.
And he bitch slapped just about every team in the American League that year.
He was 19-9. He led the league in ERA at 2.34. He was the AL Rookie of the Year.
Mark Fidrych was to every boy in Michigan what that first crush is to 7th grade girls – something that just blind sides you and you end up scribbling in your diary about.
My dad took me to see two Fidrych games. Actually, three games, but one we couldn’t get in. The two I attended were sold out. But you saw the green grass – an oasis of technicolor in a city of chipped paint – and that guy on the mound and you believed.
You believed in miracles. You believed in a city that had nothing to offer to an 11-year-old at the time other than abandoned buildings and desperation.
One of the games my dad took me to was sold out. It was the Yankees on Monday Night Baseball.
Wikipedia says it was June 28, 1976. I don’t know. I was 11 years old. My dad was dumbfounded. In 1975, just one year previous, the Tigers had lost 102 games and were the laughing stock in baseball. Now, you couldn’t buy a ticket?
That was The Bird.
We got home and watched the final inning on national TV. Detroit won 5-1.
The next year, my dad bought me a box of baseball cards, a real passion of my life. At 12, I was nearing the end of the packs. My older brother lied, saying he had heard that there were no Mark Fidrych cards because he was a rookie.
Then, I opened a pack and found it. The Topps card No. 265. Mark Fidrych. I cheered out loud. My brother was relieved he had been proven wrong.
It sells on eBay now for $4.95. You can pry mine from my cold dead hands. Although nearly 20 years later after I unwrapped it, I would give one away.
The two games I got to see Fidrych pitch in person, I was standing on my feet 10 minutes after the game ended. The Bird came out to tip his hat. And the crowd exploded. The electricity was unreal. Detroit was not a city I feared anymore. It was the place to be.
Fidrych earned $16,500 that rookie year. After the season, the Tigers gave him a $25,000 bonus.
Fidrych injured his knee the next spring. Had he played today, it would probably had kept him out six months. This injury ruined his career. He was never the same.
In 1995, while working at a newspaper in Pittsburgh as a sports writer, I called Fidrych. His number was listed in the phone book. God bless him.
I told him the 20 year anniversary of his one-year wonder season was approaching. I wanted to interview him.
He was very polite. Despite being 10 years older, he called me “Sir” several times in our conversation while politely declining to do an interview.
“I’m too busy,” he said.
He lived on a fucking farm. He wasn’t too busy. It was just hard to live in the past. I was 30. I understand now.
The next day, I took my 1977 Topps Mark Fidrych card – the one with All-Star written across the top – and mailed it to him along with a note expressing just how important he was to the state of Michigan. I never heard back from him.
Now, he’s gone.
Mark Fidrych, rest in peace, bud.
With you goes my youth. But that’s OK. With your passing, it’s time to let go.

April 14, 2009 at 1:51 am 3 comments

“….OK, just sit back and enjoy your flight, we’ll be at 10,000 feet momentarily and the weather at our destination is going to be warm and – AHHGHT! ….”

IN THE NEWS: A passenger landed a twin-engine plane in Florida after the pilot died in flight with a total of six people on board. Federal Aviation Administration officials say the pilot died after takeoff from an airport in Naples on April 12. It was on autopilot and climbing toward 10,000 feet when the pilot died.

The passenger who took over is licensed for single-engine planes but isn’t certified to fly the larger King Air craft.

An air traffic controller helped the passanger down by calling a friend in Connecticut who knows the King Air plane and relaying instructions. The plane landed safely at Southwest Florida International Airport in Fort Myers.

COMMENTARY – Didn’t I see this on Laverne and Shirley? Yes, I did. It was a 1977 episode entitled, “Airport ’59.”

Laverne flies and Shirley navigates. Spoiler alert: they live.

Here’s my amazement with this show … it was horrible TV,  neither chick was remotely doable and yet it lasted eight years. Amazing. I mean if it was remade today, Laverne would be played by Paris Hilton and Shirley would be Lindsey Lohan.

In 1982, there was even a cartoon of the show as part of the “Mork & Mindy/Laverne & Shirley/Fonz Hour.” My favorite Laverne & Shirley cartoon episode? It was the one where the cartoon Laverne is upset when she learns cartoon Mork gave her “the clap.”

April 13, 2009 at 3:58 pm Leave a comment

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