Fat ass women unite! Twinkies 1, Brain 0

IN THE NEWS – Seven new gene variants discovered by scientists suggest strongly that obesity is largely a mind problem, according to the BBC. The findings suggest the brain plays the dominant role in controlling appetite, and that obesity cannot easily be blamed on metabolic flaws. Two international studies, published in Nature Genetics, examined samples from thousands of people for the tiniest genetic changes. Many of the seven key variants seem to be active in the brain. This suggests that the brain’s impact on appetite and eating behavior may be more important that any genetic variation which alters the body’s ability to lay down or burn up fat.
COMMENTARY – Who funded this study? The Keebler Elves? Now, fat-ass women are going to blame their obesity on a brain malfunction instead of the real culprit – golden sponge cake with creamy filling. The study was immediately debunked as “snake oil” by the non-profit groups, “You Can’t Charge Me For An Extra Seat On This Flight, I Have A Pituitary-Adrenal Condition” and “United Federation of Big Boned Women.”

Hey, fat ass. You’ll still make 20 percent less than a man doing the same job, so put down the Butterfingers and hit the treadmill.

IN THE NEWS – According to Fox News, an imperfect body might be just what the doctor ordered for women and key to their economic success, an anthropologist now says. While pop culture seems to worship the hourglass figure for females, with a tiny waist, big breasts and curvy hips à la Marilyn Monroe, this may not be optimal, says anthropologist Elizabeth Cashdan of the University of Utah.
That’s because the hormones that make women physically stronger, more competitive and better able to deal with stress also tend to redistribute fat from the hips to the waist. So in societies and situations where women are under pressure to “bring home the bacon”, they may be less likely to have the classic hourglass figure, Cashdan hypothesizes in the December issue of the journal Current Anthropology.
COMMENTARY – When pressed, anthropologist Elizabeth Cashdan disclosed the funding for her study came from “Fat Chicks Who Can’t Get Laid Foundation.”

Turok angry. Turok say you have hips of a Brontosaurus!

IN THE NEWS – A 1.2 million-year-old pelvis found in Ethiopia in 2001 provides more accurate information about the female pelvis. Indiana University researchers said it appears and the birth canal of the ancient woman was more than 30 percent larger than earlier estimates.
COMMENTARY – Researchers believe it to be ground zero of the anthem of all overweight women: “I’m not fat. I’m just big boned.”

And it doesn’t help you get laid, either.

In the news: Having a big waistline can nearly double your risk of dying early, a major study has found. Researchers from Imperial College London, the German Institute of Human Nutrition and other European institutions did the wide-scale study found that carrying excess fat around the middle increases the risk of early death. The study was in The New England Journal of Medicine. Researchers did not focus on why some people develop bulging waistlines, but they said anyone with a large waist should increase their daily exercise, avoid drinking alcohol excessively and improve their diet.
Commentary: This is a follow-up to the original 1962 study done at Faber College, where top researcher Dean Vernon Wormer warned: Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through life.