Posts tagged ‘Val Kilmer’

You’re dangerous, Mav. But NOT GAY!

Since its release in 1986, there has been a movement to expose the movie Top Gun for having a hidden gay agenda.
Quentin Tarantino’s rant about it in the movie “Sleep With Me” documented in film what many had debated.
Here’s the script of Tarantino’s speech:
You can also find video clips of it on YouTube.
Sid: What’s a film about, what’s it really about? What genre does it take?
Duane: What, like the spine? Like one sentence?
Sid: No, I don’t, fucking boy meets girl, I don’t give a shit about that. Fuck boy meets girl, fuck motorcycle movie. No, what is really being said? What’s really being said, that’s what you’re talking about. ‘Cause the whole idea, man, is subversion. You want subversion on a massive level. You know what one of the greatest fucking scripts ever written in the history of Hollywood is? Top Gun.
Duane: Oh, come on.
Sid: Top Gun is fucking great. What is Top Gun? You think it’s a story about a bunch of fighter pilots.
Duane: It’s about a bunch of guys waving their dicks around.
Sid: It is a story about a man’s struggle with his own homosexuality. It is! That is what Top Gun is about, man.You’ve got Maverick, all right? He’s on the edge, man. He’s right on the fucking line, all right? And you’ve got Iceman, and all his crew. They’re gay, they represent the gay man, all right? And they’re saying, go, go the gay way, go the gay way. He could go both ways.
Duane: What about Kelly McGillis?
Sid: Kelly McGillis, she’s heterosexuality. She’s saying: no, no, no, no, no, no, go the normal way, play by the rules, go the normal way. They’re saying no, go the gay way, be the gay way, go for the gay way, all right? That is what’s going on throughout that whole movie… He goes to her house, all right? It looks like they’re going to have sex, you know, they’re just kind of sitting back, he’s takin’ a shower and everything. They don’t have sex. He gets on the motorcycle, drives away. She’s like, “What the fuck, what the fuck is going on here?” Next scene, next scene you see her, she’s in the elevator, she is dressed like a guy. She’s got the cap on, she’s got the aviator glasses, she’s wearing the same jacket that the Iceman wears. She is, okay, this is how I gotta get this guy, this guy’s going towards the gay way, I gotta bring him back, I gotta bring him back from the gay way, so I’m do that through subterfuge, I’m gonna dress like a man. All right? That is how she approaches it. Okay, now let me just ask you–I’m gonna digress for two seconds here. I met this girl Amy here, she’s like floating around here and everything. Now, she just got divorced, right?…All right, but the REAL ending of the movie is when they fight the MIGs at the end, all right? Because he has passed over into the gay way. They are this gay fighting fucking force, all right? And they’re beating the Russians, the gays are beating the Russians. And it’s over, and they fucking land, and Iceman’s been trying to get Maverick the entire time, and finally, he’s got him, all right? And what is the last fucking line that they have together? They’re all hugging and kissing and happy with each other, and Ice comes up to Maverick, and he says, “Man, you can ride my tail, anytime!” And what does Maverick say? “You can ride mine!” Swordfight! Swordfight! Fuckin’ A, man!
Actually, that is a misquote.
At the end of the movie, Ice Man runs up to Maverick and says, “You. You are still dangerous. But you can be my wingman any time.”
And Mav says, “Bullshit. You can be mine.”
And they did hug. No argument there.
And, yes, Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer – Maverick and Ice Man – have “wing men” named Goose and Slider.
OK. There have been more masculine nicknames in the history of military movies.
And yes, technically, you don’t have to flex like Schwarzenegger circa 1973 before serving a god-damn volleyball. That shirtless volleyball scene is cited as very homoerotic.
And yes, Cruise and Kilmer have a showdown in the men’s lockerroom where Kilmer calls Cruise “dangerous” and they get face-to-face (I presume their dicks could have been touching, but the shot was from the shoulders up) and then Kilmer pretends to take a bite out of Cruise. I called it the “Ice Man chomp.”
Again, another man pretending to take a bite out of another man standing a few inches away … not the most masculine scene ever filmed in Hollywood.
But stay with me here.
What is Top Gun really about!?
Male bonding. NON-GAY male bonding. Where you spend time with a man because you enjoy it and you DON’T WANT TO NAIL HIM.
See, here’s the problem with that theory.
Heterosexual men understand that. Hell, it happens just about every Monday night during the NFL season.
It why golf was invented.
Women don’t get that.
And what women think gets in the way of their desires, they destroy.
So they take a page from the fifth-grade playground playbook.
Call it gay. Instant credibility issue with men.
“That movie’s gay? But I loved it!”
Well, I say, “Bullshit.”
Now, here’s my case.
Exhibit A:
There’s the scene where Goose is talking about being on the base with no women.
Goose: “Relationships are a bitch, here. It’s hard enough to concentrate …under the pressure. Having a woman here is asking for it.
Mav: I guess that’s what I’m doing, then.
Goose: Where do you find the time? Where do you find the energy. It’s tough enough to keep your mind on school. A woman here is a real pain in the…
(Just then, Meg Ryan walks in. She plays Carol, Goose’s wife.)
Goose: …butt…Hi, honey, God, am I glad to see you! I missed you.
Carol: I had to come, Willard, I got so lonesome I just couldn’t stand it.
Analysis: Goose is chilling with the guys doing his thing. Having fun. BOOM! His wife has a friggin’ sixth sense about that and has to put a stop to it.
This guy is at a friggin’ military base – the last bastion of masculinity in this world – and still can’t prevent the old lady from showing up and tagging along to the bar with him.
Did it look like Goose was bummed his old lady was off base? Hint: He said she was a “real pain in the butt.”
And look at Carol. She’s got NOTHING going on. Why? Women don’t have friends. Or hobbies. Their hobby is nagging, which they can’t do without all of us Gooses around them.
“I was so lonesome I just couldn’t stand it?” Damn right. You were probably climbing up the walls with no one to nag.
In this case, Goose was at Top Gun Academy. For the rest of us, it’s while having a beer after golfing. Or it’s trying to watch Predator without being reminded of the list of chores we haven’t done.
That’s a sport in itself for women.
Exhibit B.
Goose has died.
Look at the scene where Ryan’s character shows up. She’s a widow now.
Here’s what she tells a depressed Maverick:
“God, he loved flying with you, Maverick. He would have flown anyway…without you. He’d have hated it, but he would have done it.”
Goose is dead! And NOW Meg Ryan’s character is finally realizing her dead husband was happiest hanging with his buddy, NOT HER.
We all are!
Why do we have to be in our grave for the old lady to acknowledge that?
Exhibit C:
Homer Simpson. No. He’s not in Top Gun. But dammit, if Tarantino can misquote Top Gun to make his point, I can play the Homer card.
Here’s the transcript from the greatest Homer quote ever:
Homer: That John is the greatest guy in the world. We’ve gotta have him and his wife over for drinks sometime.
Marge: Hmm, I don’t think he’s married, Homer.
Homer: Oh, a swinging bachelor, eh? Well, there’s lots of foxy ladies out there.
Marge: Homer, didn’t John seem a little… festive to you?
Homer: Couldn’t agree more, happy as a clam.
Marge: He prefers the company of men.
Homer: Who doesn’t?
YES! Who doesn’t? We all do.
And women, deep down, know that.
And so they try to destroy the one movie that captured it so brilliantly.
Sword fight?
Damn right SWORD FIGHT!
Oh, and by the way, you know in Tarantino’s rant where he says that Kelly McGinnis’ character Charlie was dressing like a man to get Maverick?
She was wearing a pilot’s cap in the elevator when they meet. That is true. But why? Because after the movie was screened, viewers wanted more romance. So that scene was filmed post-production and McGinnis had already dyed her hair for her next movie role. They had to do something to cover it up so viewers wouldn’t notice.
It’s true. Look it up.


November 27, 2008 at 9:01 pm Leave a comment

Michael Knight: “I need ya buddy.” KITT: “Just a second, Michael, I’m ordering …. No, I said two Whoppers, and don’t skimp on the mayo this time.”

IN THE NEWS _ The remake of Knight Rider is running out of gas. Producers of NBC’s Knight Rider 2.0 said this month they are putting the talking-car show into the garage for a major overhaul that includes eliminating three series regulars. The voice of KITT, the car, will still be played by actor Val Kilmer.
COMMENTARY – Hollywood insiders suggest the low ratings are due to Kilmer’s contract which includes a stipulation that all chase scenes involving the car include a Burger King drive-thru.


NBC says they don’t need a garage for KITT, as Kilmer just eats the car after every episode.

November 25, 2008 at 5:37 am Leave a comment