Posts tagged ‘sex’
Women are like ice cream.
You end up eating it once a week and you better be damn sure you get a flavor you can enjoy over-and-over for the next 35 years.
Or you’re screwed.
Because women come in so many flavors, you’ll be tempted to try others. Many a man has entered a marriage and ended up in Baskin-Robbins with that little wooden spoon trying to gobble up what he can in a pathetically small paper cup that looks more apt for collecting urine samples.
Take Mint Chocolate Chip. A traditonal classic. That’s good marrying material.
But, oh no. Here comes Pistachio Almond. A little nutty (read: the divorced ex-stripper who just moved in the neighborhood).
Hmmm. I remember that flavor. Wow. It was really good. In fact, it was the BEST DAMN ice cream I ever had.
You know why? Because I haven’t eaten it since 1985!
I’ve been shoveling Mint Chocolate Chip down my throat so many times that I hate the weird aqua-blue color.
But you know what?
After four weeks of nothing but Pistachio Almonds, you are reminded that pistachios can be a tasty nut, just not in ice cream. In fact, it really doesn’t work at all when mixed in ice cream. You end up thinking, “I’d rather just eat the pistachios alone.” But you can’t. It’s a package deal. And now I remember why I went 20 plus years without eating it.
However, orange sherbet? OMG. That is so good. And it’s on sale.
But no wait, the clerk is handing me Mint Chocolate Chip.
Dammit. Why’d I hook up with Mint Chocolate Chip?
Her sister “Regular Chocolate Chip” is such a better match for me. I love vanilla ice cream! That mint flavor has become overpowering. It completely ruins the taste of the chocolate chip.
And now, I have to pretend to enjoy eating it when “Regular Chocolate Chip” is right next to it. Double scoops! DOUBLE SCOOPS!
So many flavors.
Why do we always get stuck eating the same one?
Hello, police? There is a very ugly woman drinking beer on the roof of my house. Can you replace her with a good looking one?
IN THE NEWS – A man called police on the night of Dec. 10 after he came home from work and spotted an intoxicated woman drinking a beer on the roof of his home in Fort Pierce, Fla., according to the Associated Press. The 28-year-old woman was taken into custody after she refused to get down and leave. The police report said the woman agreed to leave only if the man agreed to give her more beer. The woman faces a disorderly intoxication charge.
COMMENTARY: The No. 1 sign you are a butt-ugly woman: A man comes home from work, finds you drunk on his roof, you ask for more beer and he calls the police. Ouch.
From the AP – A female testosterone patch showed promise at boosting older women’s enjoyment of sex, but concerns about the cancer risk of hormone therapies mean U.S. women won’t be getting an equivalent of Viagra anytime soon.
Comment: A patch that excites older women? Why don’t we just call it what it is – a Hershey’s wrapper.